


Speak of the Devil

by troublesomedragon



Category: Satan and Me (Webcomic)
Genre: But not why its important, Explicit Language, Gen, In which Lucifer knows the prophecy child is a thing, No contract AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 21:34:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16941144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troublesomedragon/pseuds/troublesomedragon
Summary: They're not contracted, but Natalie accidentally charms the devil anyway.





	Speak of the Devil

Speak of the Devil

Why was he here? No good would come of this. If the stupid prophecy girl was hanging out with a church group on the weekends, she was a lost cause anyway. Forget it, Ipos couldn't convince him to stick around for all free liquor in the world.

“I’m out of here. Thanks for helping me get in touch with War but this isn't worth my time, ” Lucifer said, giving him a small salute before making a break for the door. Ipos proceeded to punch him in the gut and knock the wind out of him before he had taken more than two steps. 

“Trust me, she’s important,” Ipos said, once again failing to explain why. He was always so fucking cryptic. 

“She’s a teenager. How useful could she possibly be?” Lucifer muttered as he leaned against the pew doing his best not to look at anything remotely religious. Not only was he dealing with a splitting migraine, they were early, adding to his torment as his nausea increased ten fold for every minute they spent in the damn church. 

“Relax, this is just where we are meeting them. The actual event is outside the church, ” Ipos explained. Lucifer gritted his teeth. Son of a-

“Why didn’t we just meet them there then?” Lucifer asked, starting to wonder if Ipos was just messing with him. 

“There is going to be a small meet and greet where you'll play ice breaker games. It'll give you a chance to get to know her instead of dismissing her out of hand and ditching me in the seedy darkness of the arcade,” Ipos said, taking out a small notebook and making a few notes. He eyed him wearily. 

“If I do this, promise me, you'll never drag me to one of these things ever again,” Lucifer said. Ipos nodded, not looking up. He'd done his best to look inconspicuous, covering his various tattoos under a long sleeved shirt, but he was far too huge and his bright yellow Mohawk far too unconventional for this particular crowd. Lucifer had opted for a toned down version of what he normally looked liked, deciding against changing his eye color or even covering his tattoos. Let the fanatical teens stare at him for all he cared.     

“Looks like they're coming in. Don't blow your cover,” Ipos said, shutting the notebook and putting it away. Lucifer used to think he wrote important stuff in there before transcribing it to the book, but he peeked in it once and found out he scribbled a reminder to buy Sheila some fucking carrots. 

“Like they'd even believe me, hi, I'm Satan which one of you is secretly a devil worshiper. I'm in the market,” Lucifer said. Ipos rolled his eyes, but his ridiculously large grin gave him away.

“You're lucky a human's hearing is shit,” Ipos said.

“So, which one of these bozos is the famous prophecy child that Heaven's so worried I'll get my hands on?” Lucifer asked. 

It was a fairly large group. No one looked particularly promising, but three in particular caught his eye. The most obvious choice would be the one that looked exactly like Michael as if his Father had gotten tired of making unique faces and started xeroxing old models from the trash bin. Bleh, he hoped not, because if so, Not Michael was getting pushed off a cliff at the first opportunity. One was enough. Then, there was the red head with the soft green eyes that immediately waved at him as if he wasn't the scary off putting jerk that he knew he was. She was probably just too much of an airhead to realize something was off. His favorite, the overly nervous blond one clinging to the red head seemed to have spotted him and was fucking terrified. Lucifer grinned, a savage predatory grin. She looked fun to mess with. Maybe, today wouldn't be a total waste of time after all. 

“According to my intel, Natalie, over there, is the prophecy child,” Ipos said, pointing to the redhead. Instead of being creeped out like a normal human being when a strange colossal man pointed at her, she had the nerve to wave, walk over, and greet them like they weren't planning her murder or something.   

“Hi, welcome to the group, I'm Natalie,” she said, holding out her hand. Ipos shook it without complaint. He'd always been the more personable of the two.

“I'm Ipos. Nice to meet you, I've been looking for someone like you for a long time,” he said, using a softer smile that was usually reserved for the patrons of his bar.   

“Who's your friend?” Natalie asked, subconsciously leaning forward in anticipation. She certainly seemed interested, but this cupcake couldn't be the ender of worlds. 

“I think we settled on Luke,” Ipos said, just as Lucifer ribbed him in the stomach. A human would have crumpled to the ground and cradled his stomach until the internal bleeding did him in, Ipos merely grunted and briefly faltered on impact before turning back into immovable stone. He knew perfectly well that it reminded him far too much of his given name to be a good cover. Ipos was being difficult on purpose. 

“Call me Stan,” Lucifer said. When she moved to shake his hand, he left her hanging. The smile did not fall off her face. Instead, she slapped him on the back and grinned. 

“Nice to meet ya, Stan the man, if you need anything, you can count on me,” Natalie said with a wink. He internally groaned. She was sickeningly sweet. Please don't let me get stuck with her. As if his Father heard his prayer and decided to do the exact opposite of what he wanted, her friends circled them like a bunch of hyenas. 

“Hey Nat, we're breaking into groups of five to make the games more manageable, only rule is you need to pick two people you don't normally hang out with so everyone gets to meet someone new. So, this looks like a match made in Heaven,” the Not Michael said, before offering his hand.

“I'm Michael by the way but you can call me, Mike, ” the other Michael said. Of course, they had the same fucking name. Nothing in his life was a damn coincidence. He might not be the prophecy child, but something was wrong with the kid. 

“Stan,” he said, preemptively standing and walking away to get away from him. This Michael took the hint and moved on, not as easily slighted as his own brother. 

“This is Kristi, and you've already met Nat,” Mike said. Lucifer took pleasure in the way Kristi suddenly jumped as if she'd been perfectly camouflaged behind Natalie this entire time before Mike pointed her out. Lucifer was just biding his time. 

Once the introductions were out of the way, Mike looked over the list of pre-approved activities thoughtfully before announcing the first one, “Okay, looks like we're playing a word association game. Why don't you start us off Stan?  Pick a partner, ” Mike said. 

Fine, he'd rather get this over with so he could tune the rest of them out. “Natalie,” Lucifer said. She jumped up and down excitedly as if she'd won the fucking lottery. He already couldn't stand her.

Stop being so . . . so  not what I thought. 

“You ready Stan?” she said, taking the initiative and stealing the first round, whatever. He wasn't revealing, shit.

“Flowers,” she shouted suddenly. 

“Garden,” Lucifer said without thinking. Dammit. Ipos shot him a look. What? Like they would fucking get what he was talking about. 

“Sugar.” That was easy. 

“Chocolate.”

“Friendship” Girl, you shouldn't have gone there. He wasn't going to make this easy.

“Sucks” he said with a grin.

“Love” she said, not missing a beat.

“Ends,” Lucifer said, immediately kicking himself. He heard Ipos snort in the background.

“Life.” She went on, only encouraged by his frankness. Curiosity burning in her eyes.

“Death” Lucifer said with a shrug.

“God” Natalie said, sneaking it in there.

“Father,” he said easily. Humans called him that too.

“Fun,” she said, far too innocent to see the opening she'd given him.

“Sin,” he said automatically. He relished Ipos death glare. Next time, don't drag me into a fucking church. The girl laughed.

“Stan,” she started to say before he cut her off.

“Devil.” Natalie still thought he was kidding, but he enjoyed Kristi's dawning realization that maybe, he was. She was slowly becoming a hot sweaty mess, and if he didn't cause her to have an emotional breakdown by the end of the day, he wasn't doing his job right. Mike looked slightly uneasy but didn't speak up.   

“Natalie,” she said, probably fishing for a compliment. Lucifer was determined to wipe the smile off her face.

“Annoying,” he said. She just stuck her tongue out at him. 

“Hate,” she said. Let me finish the thought for you. 

“You,” he said. She had the decency to look upset for once. 

Mike finally had enough and stepped in. “Okay, Stan, your  turn.” Good, he had a few questions for the prophecy girl. There had to be some darkness in there somewhere. 

“Hell,” he said, cutting to the chase.

“Fire,” she said. He found himself disappointed by the typical answer. 

“Darkness,” Lucifer said, already impatient. 

“Light,” she said, frustrating him even more. Stop being so damn perfect. 

“Temptation,” he said, searching for something that just didn't seem to be there.

“Apple,” she said, clearly toying with him. For fuck's sake kid, give me something to work with. 

“Rebellion,” he said, testing the waters.

“Justice,” she said brightly. Lucifer wasn't sure what to make of that. He decided it still counted as a goody two shoes answer. 

“Evil,” he said, getting desperate. 

“Misunderstood,” she said with a straight face. He raised an eyebrow. She was so fucking naive. It hurt. 

“Betrayal.” He wasn't expecting much at this point. 

“Family.” She bit her lip and looked away. So, they had something in common. 

“Despair,” he said, pushing his luck. 

“Death,” she said, a far away look in her eyes. 

“Fear,” he continued. 

“Loneliness,” Natalie said shakily, starting to break. She wasn't smiling anymore. 

“Pain,” he said, not playing around. Lucifer would tear her soul apart to get what he wanted. 

“Mom,” Natalie said, surprising even herself. Everyone suddenly looked uncomfortable. 

“Maybe, we should move on,” Mike said, but Lucifer wasn't done by a long shot. 

“Favorite Angel,” he said, cheating a little bit. 

“Lucifer,” she said, looking absolutely horrified of what she'd let slip. He cracked a smile. Ah, so, that was it. 

“Micheal, I meant Michael,” she said, embarrassed and red in the face. He wrapped his arm around her possessively. Not anymore, he's not. She squeaked at his forwardness but did not push him away.

“What the hell, Natalie? You're talking about freaking Satan,” Kristi said, freaking the fuck out. 

“It's just a game. Chill out, Kristi,” Mike snapped, defending her like an overprotective clod. He didn't seem to be too happy with how chummy he'd gotten with Natalie. So, Lucifer played up his affection, kissing Natalie on the forehead. She blushed as if that was the most scandalous thing she'd ever experienced. Oh, he'd have fun corrupting her.

“You're right. I don't know what's gotten into me,” Kristi said, turning back to look at him. Lucifer revealed his snake tongue, making her shriek. Heh-heh. 

“Let's head out early,” Mike suggested, completely ignoring what he'd just witnessed. Lucifer was definitely for that. 

“Yes, thank you, God,” he shouted dramatically. Ipos laughed and punched him in the shoulder hard for blowing his cover. Lucifer deserved that. Natalie was speechless.

When they finally made it off the consecrated earth, he spoke up, “Why did you say that?” He hadn't been this invested in a human's opinion since Jesus walked the earth.

“I don't know,” Natalie mumbled, skittish since the snake tongue incident. 

“Don't lie. You're not good at it,” Lucifer said.   

“You would know,” Natalie said, chuckling awkwardly. She kept fidgeting and glancing back at him as if she wasn't fully convinced he was actually there.

“I-I always felt sorry for you,” she admitted finally. Lucifer stopped dead in his tracks.Ouch. 

“That's it? You have sympathy for the devil. Newsflash kid, so do plenty of other people on earth for some godforsaken reason. I don't need your pity,” Lucifer said, offended Ipos thought this girl was worthy of his time and attention. If he wanted a groupie, he'd just pick one up at Hot Topic.   

“Well, yeah, no one tried to help you. I think you would have been the best angel if given the chance to get past your issues, but people always assume the worst of me when I mention it,” Natalie said, playing with her hair and not looking at him. He sighed, put out.

“I wouldn't have gotten over it. Humanity wouldn't exist if I had my way,” Lucifer said, weirded out with the idea that someone thought he had the potential to be good. Fucking Ipos.

“Nah, pretty sure, you were God's favorite son for a reason. I mean what did you really do other than give humanity the tools to grow. You can't learn and be better without experiencing some kind of pain,” Natalie said, hugging her arms. Lucifer scowled, annoyed that she thought so highly of him. He'd given Eve the stupid apple out of spite, nothing more.

“Kid, I'm Satan. I hate all of you,” Lucifer said firmly. 

“Then, why did you come see me?” she asked, seeing right through him.   

“There's some bullshit prophecy that says you shape the outcome of the end of days. You're just a means to an end, to me.” Lucifer said, fully expecting her to be offended that he planned to use her for evil. Instead, she entwined her fingers in his and smiled again.

“Maybe, I convince you Earth's worth saving. Come on, I'll ride with you to the arcade,” Natalie said like the goddamn optimist she was. He let her swing his arm around like a damn toy as they walked to the parking lot, talking about inane things like laser tag and cheap prizes designed to sucker fools into spending more money. He hated that he found himself paying attention and actually having a conversation with her. 

When Natalie went to tell her friends she was riding with 'Stan,' Lucifer approached Ipos. “Why is she important? Tell me or I'll stab you,” Lucifer asked. Wordlessly, Ipos opened the book, and Lucifer read in big bold letters the words, Emotional Support. 

“Fuck you, Ipos,” Lucifer said.


End file.
